Pain. It was my one and only faithful companion the last months. Uninvited, importunate, all-consuming. Only memoirs allowed me to distract and be forgotten for some time. I am Vasily Ivanovich Kamentsev, the colonel in resignation, the former employee of the second management of KGB later the teacher in the Russian Academy FSB. Two months ago to me eighty nine years have knocked. Instead of my favourite reading the novel, now here I lie not movably and I listen attentively to monotonous hum of the medical equipment and I try not to think of the heated nail in my right side. Cancer of the fourth stage – here my final, last ruthless opponent. It the opponent could not be converted, bribed or played. It was only possible to wait and look how he defeats me and slowly kills.
I waited. Thoughts consigned to the past where there was no this pain, and there was smell of typographical paint from the shabby books about spies, burning desire of adventures in soul of the rural boy. Then there was army, military discipline, clearness. It was pleasant to me. And then this improbable, dizzy chance. «The citizen Kamentsev, the qualities shown by you are of interest to the state security agencies» – the words pronounced by the major that has come to hold at me exam in practical firing. The excellent sports discipline imitating combat or tactical conditions. Here not only the accuracy, but also speed, ability to quickly estimate situation and to work with shelters are important. The dream which is wrapped up in the folder with signature stamp «Top secret» became for me, routine work and service on for the rest of the life. Then there was law school, the diploma with honors. And then – fifty years of service. Fifty years of smart operations, invisible wars, interpretations and recruitments. Family? It for me could become vulnerability. Love? The distracting factor. I had work and service for the benefit of the huge country. Great and powerful country. To me it is unimportant what politicians and traitors have made with it. It is important that people, the people which I protected have restored its former greatness and could get up from knees. And traitors were and will be always. And the end at them, at all one.
I never thought that I will live so long, I will train three Heroes of Russia. I suspected, the last years that there is with me something is not right. But to doctors did not go. And sense? Year, well has lived and it is good. Now to me the loneliness in sterile chamber has come. I had nobody who would hold me by hand or came to visit me. No, it is not necessary to feel sorry for me. I am guilty, but what now to do. Yes you excuse my senile grumbling. Long I was silent and with anybody could not talk and tell the tall tale which has happened to me.
